Experienced Voices

The Providence College Parent & Family “Experienced Voices” program provides an opportunity for families of current students to provide advice and share insights for new families. We hope these suggestions are helpful as you get ready to navigate the first year of college with your student.

Q. What suggestions do you have as to how families can help their students get ready for college during the summer months?

Make sure to calendar all of the summer “to-do’s” prior to school starting in the fall. And get your Friar use to checking their email every day!!!!
Make sure they know how to do their own laundry, put their clothes away, change sheets, etc. All the things you may be used to doing as a parent, let them start doing more independently.
Let them take the lead when it comes to getting packed and prepared for college. My son didn’t want to do anything until the last minute but I realized that he wasn’t ready to deal with the act of leaving until he was ready.
Parents can talk to their children about being flexible, having patience and being forgiving of themselves if they make mistakes or things are harder in the beginning then they thought they would be. Parents should encourage their children to read their PC emails every day and make relationships with their professors.
Over the summer have them learn laundry, keep their space organized and clean ( they will now have roommates) and teach some financial independence and money management.
My Friar wanted to focus on summer fun and travel with friends and family. I didn’t push her and she handled the transition very well. Sometimes not being pro-active is OK.
As time grew closer for our son to leave for college he seemed much more apprehensive. He spent more time with his friends who were all going to different colleges. Some sadness set in. We just tried to validate his feelings and let him know that a lot of his friends were probably feeling the same way he was. Be prepared for a roller-coaster of emotions.
Don’t worry about roommate assignments but make sure they take the time to fill out the roommate preference form. My daughter had two great roommates this year, but is moving on with others for sophomore year. She said “I didn’t need to have best friends as that would have been a perpetual sleepover” She just needed enough compatibility for harmonious living.
Take good notes during summer family orientation. That program is the best. The information can be a bit over-whelming if this is your first child going to college, but it really helps you to know how PC is so supportive to students, especially during the first year.
We had more than one conversation during the summer about making good decisions concerning personal safety. My daughter is a responsible young woman but being in new surroundings I wanted to make sure she was aware of the precautions she needs to take, especially when she is out at night.
Connect with your new roommates and families – they are so helpful to ease worries, bond with and get excited for! Plan out and get your new dorm/living space and supplies.
Agree to a specific time period (for example, Sunday dinner) for parents to ask questions. Too many questions, too frequently can cause tremendous stress for our incoming freshman.
Take up a remote corner somewhere in the house to pile up all of your dorm things. Try to keep as much in the original packaging in case you get it to campus and decide you don’t want it/don’t need it anymore. And have some fun with the planning.
Spend as much time as possible having a fun summer. Don’t stress about what to pack or having “the perfect” dorm. Nothing is perfect but they won’t get back that summer with their high school friends.
Shop early! Otherwise things you may need for the dorm are out of stock
Start early in getting organized, minimizes anxiety as they get close to moving in day. Don’t over pack, gets overwhelming when trying to put things away.
Make it fun to go shopping for the dorm. Make lists and connect with roommate so that you don’t bring duplicates. Girls like to have the same color theme and fun lights around the room.
Packing can be stressful. Let your student take the lead and have patience.

Q. What would be helpful for families to know about the first semester/first year of college? (Expectations, surprises, etc.)

The first semester is typically tough – a huge adjustment…making new friends, living independently, navigating academics, everything is new. Do NOT expect your student to love it!! Expect them to be uncomfortable. Help prepare your student for this by talking through some feelings that may come up and how they think they can problem solve.
It is a big time of growth for your Friar. They are going to have a lot of firsts. Expect that your student might get anxious as mid terms and finals approach. Encourage them to meet with their professors and get to know them early on. It really does make a difference if they need help.
I had an expectation that my son and I would talk all the time but I quickly learned to let him take the lead with phone calls and texts and found that we had better conversations when he was in the right mood (and place) to talk.
Remind them that most everyone is in the same boat. Almost everyone is having great days and not so great days. We really felt that PC accepted our whole family when my daughter was accepted. The guards are happy to see you when you visit, the restaurants are happy to have you, The AMP is AMAZING. So, go to “the things” and participate as a family when appropriate. PC is extremely accommodating & helpful so if you need something, ask. The class registration process is not ideal! But it works out! It is frustrating in the moment but the advisors and professors are so helpful.
Many “firsts” that aren’t predictable will happen. Breathe. Have patience, and trust your friar is growing up.
I expected my daughter to have some concerns about adjusting to living with roommates, but because she was such a good student in high school I was caught off guard when she called to say she was over-whelmed with her classes. But this is all about adjustment to everything that is new. I told her to talk with her professors and helped her connect with tutoring services. It made a big difference for her—and me.
If they are unhappy the first few months, try not to overreact. Encourage them to allow time to adjust to their new lifestyle. Give them the freedom to make their own decisions, and suggest that they seek help from Personal Counseling or Campus Ministry for some extra support.
Roommate situations can be tough. Students have to be flexible and communicative and talk to their RA if they are having issues. Friend groups will change throughout the first year as students are all adjusting to one another and trying on people to see who fits them best. Be patient and just listen to your child.
Set expectations for communication with your child. Will you talk weekly? Facetime, etc.
The transition is mind blowing. The degree to which our daughter has matured is astounding. I credit the PC campus and the values. She had fun, made some friends, enjoyed getting to know her roommates and found her feet. She did well academically and it grew her confidence. Let them have the downs when they call and remind them nothing stays the same. They have to find their way.
It’s not all smooth sailing but life isn’t a straight path. Encourage kids to seek help. PC has so many support systems for your students. They just need to reach out.
It’s an adjustment in time management. They want independence but still need us. I found it helpful to text nightly not call. He expected it and answered at his own time.
Tell your student that hesitation and anxiety are normal. Just take your time to settle in. If you need to go home a lot as part of that easing in that’s OK! It can take time before your comfortable and there is nothing wrong with that. Give it a few months and you will find it gets easier and hopefully grow to love the school and your new friends.
Keeping positive if there are worries that arise. Remind your students everything always works out. Keep encouraging them to say hi to somebody new everyday to make acquaintances. Your first friend group usually does not stay the same by the end of the year and that is ok.
Explain to your child that everyone is feeling the same way. They are lonely and missing their high school friends and family etc. But join something and you will find your people, but it takes time.
If they are stressed, recommend counseling. I even called first and spoke with a counselor to learn more about their services for students. I think the information I shared with my daughter helped her feel better about calling for an appointment to talk with someone.

Q. What advice do you have about supporting students in meeting new friends and finding their “people”?

Grieving the loss of high school friends is sad. Suggest to your student that making new friends will take time and EFFORT. It won’t happen if you stay in your dorm room! Start on Orientation Weekend – ask for cell numbers to text other students in your group (or ask your Orientation Leader to do this). Our daughter loved orientation. Go have dinner or coffee with a couple of the other students.
Participate in as many activities as possible – even if it sounds like something uninteresting. Say hi to the student on your right and left in every class – make small connections. Not everyone is an extrovert – keep in mind there are going to be many other new students feeling exactly the same way.
College (especially PC) will be some of the best years of your student’s life, but it doesn’t mean there won’t be hard times, or challenges. I think it’s important to let your student know that it will take time to find his or her people and feel truly comfortable. It doesn’t always happen overnight.
Tell your child the people you meet in the beginning will probably not be your people forever. Don’t worry if you don’t find your besties first semester. It’s a journey. Keep attending a variety of activities. Join peer ministry!!!
Some find it quickly and others do not. If you have trouble or are not finding your “people” yet, reach out to the school counselors and services for help. If you can find that one person who can help you it will make all the difference to settle in and find your “crew”.
Get involved! One of the greatest things about PC is being a part of the Friar Family (yes – it is a real thing). There’s something for everyone. If they are to do one thing, be a part of Campus Ministry. It is such a welcoming, kind group. The CampMin Center really does serve as a home away from home.
Leave your dorm room open, go to many events and be patient with yourself. Who your student meets in the first semester may not be who they hang with in the second semester. Remember that friendships and community can take more than a year to establish.
Say hi to somebody new everyday. Be brave and sit with someone new in dining hall to meet new people especially if the person is sitting by themselves. Attend Mass, there is always someone that will talk to you there and great place to meet kind people.
Suggest that they join multiple clubs! Play a club sport even if you have lost the love for it because it’s a connection. Try something you’ve always wanted to- it’s a connection. You can always opt out down the road if it’s not fulfilling. Focus on your “for now” people. Some may end up being your people and some won’t; enjoy who you are meeting and spending time with for however long you are in the same orbit.
I told my son, be yourself. Be open to new experiences and be true to yourself. You will attract your people.
Keep your door open the whole year! See who wants to go to lunch or dinner. If you just came from dinner and someone asks if you want to go, go again! As you navigate clubs and extracurriculars, relationships will deepen overtime when you have common interests. It could be sophomore year when people are more familiar with each other and settling in. Don’t be discouraged if your people are not your forever people first semester freshman year… Just enjoy the friendships and continue to make new ones.
It’s a marathon. Not a race. Social media shows everyone having fun in huge groups. That’s not entirely the true story. Tell your student to keep putting himself out there, try new things, take your time.
Get involved early. Pick two things you are interested in and get involved. Intramural sports is a great way to meet students from all classes and get some exercise, as well.
Remind them that making new friends will take time and patience. Try to take as many connections as possible. Talking to students who sit next to you in class is a good beginning.
Keep you dorm room door open, invite all to dinner etc. Some folks you meet may be your life long friends.

Q. What advice do you have regarding how families can support their student from a distance?

If your student is struggling, offer support “I hear how hard it is” (but be careful to not validate) Instead be supportive with “You Got This”, “I have faith in you”, “This too shall pass”. Ask first if they’d like suggestions on solutions or problem solving. Chances are, they just need to vent and will feel better once they are off the phone.
Check in with your student, even a quick text to let them know you are thinking of them. Especially in the beginning, don’t over-emphasize how much you miss them. Whether they say it or not, they are probably feeling homesick. But this is their experience. If your student is having a hard time, encourage them to seek out someone to talk to on campus. You can be there for them, but they also need to build a network on campus.
Check in on your Friar regularly. Ask about their social life, new friends, activities, classes, etc. When you talk with your Friar be positive, even if your Friar is struggling. Encourage them to seek help from the PC staff/Dean of Students Office (They really do love your child and they are available if you need anything).
Just listen a lot and try not to judge them, fix things for them, or panic. Give suggestions if they ask, but mostly just listen. You will be there sounding board.
In the beginning, we made a point of FaceTimeing every Sunday. We paid for dinner via Venmo occasionally, if it seemed like they wanted something different. We sent care packages every other week. We participate in parents weekend and we always attend a basketball game. This keeps a visit on their schedule when they know they’re going to see you. We listen when our daughter vents, but we don’t try to fix, and we really try to reinforce that things will work out.
Always be there by staying in contact – don’t lose touch and listen. If your child is struggling to adapt and wants to come home a lot that’s ok. It can be part of the process until living away from home and in a brand new environment becomes easier.
Texting. Sending funny animal pics from their pets if they have them. Cards, gift packages. Visiting campus to see them if you can. We enjoyed the museums and restaurants in Providence. Helping them to feel comfortable in the city.
Call your student. Texting doesn’t tell the full story. If you can Facetime, do that.
If they are not feeling well, make sure they connect with the Student Health Center. Everyone there is so caring and very professional. We were really pleased with the care our daughter received when she had problems with her asthma.
Let them know you’ll be checking in. I do it in the evening when there’s some down time.
Keep in touch but give them space. Let them know they are still accountable to you. Celebrate the times you get together!
Help them figure things out on their own. The school does not need to hear from parents unless it’s an emergency.
If they call home upset during those first few weeks ,just listen. Try not to ask too many questions. You can show your support by helping your student to break things down into more manageable smaller issues, rather than just one big problem. Maybe come up with some kind of plan together about some action they can take to help the situation, such as talking with their RA.
There are students from all over the world. Some will have families that live close and it’s great to connect with their parents and have their contact info in case your child ever needs anything. I loved that I live only 35 minutes from PC and can bring dinner to the suites when they are looking for a home cooked meal

Q. Do you have any additional advice/insights that you think would be helpful to new families?

When in doubt, call PC . There’s always someone who can help!!
Familiarize yourself with the different departments available to families prior to drop off especially the Parent and Family Program and the Dean of Student’s Office. Friars take care of each other!
Discuss what your expectations are with your student about communication after drop off. Once a week ? Pick a day. Every night? Pick a time. Texting or talking, etc…
There are some groups of kids that went to high school together that connect as soon as they get there and seem like they are untouchable. There’s usually at least one kid in that group that’s dying to break free but doesn’t know how. Tell your student to not be afraid to continue to try to befriend someone even if they are already part of a large group. And the best advice is to enjoy Friartown! It really is such a special place! Use the resources that PC provides! Listen and encourage. Stress safety in numbers.
Every kid is different and I was lucky that mine did well with only a few bumps in the road. I had a lot of empathy for parents who were sharing their kids struggles. Always redirect them to find solutions for themselves, after letting them vent.
Remind them that the Career Center is not just for seniors looking for a job. As a freshman our son was undeclared and a career coach really helped him to narrow down some academic choices that were consistent with his interests and skills. In his junior year they helped him to obtain a wonderful summer internship not far from home.
Read the communications to families from Jackie MacKay of the Parent Program and from Dean Sears. They are the best! Jackie’s monthly emails make me feel so connected to what is going on at the college. Filled with information from offices all over the school. Dean Sears sends messages out that are so inspirational. Even when he has difficult information to share, he does it in such an uplifting way.
These two need to take their show on the road and teach other colleges how to communicate with families. I have two other students at great schools but the only time I hear from them is when there is bad news or a bill is due!
Your children are trying to figure out who they are. You may think that they are not listening to you, but they may be. Encourage them to join things and take advantage of every opportunity in front of them. The four years will go fast.
Tell your kids if they are not a drinker, it is ok to attend parties and not drink. If they have a “cup’ nobody needs to know what is in their cup. Encourage your student to use their time wisely– time management is key to success. These friends they make will forever impact their lives and will be their Friar family.
Our daughter was a bit overwhelmed keeping up with all the required readings in her courses. We advised her to approach her professors and it made all the difference. They were so helpful to her. Make sure your student is aware of the professors’ office hours—and that they make an appointment to meet with them, if only to introduce themselves.
Get to know their roommates and families. Enjoy a dinner together. Exchange phone numbers.
Read the monthly email communications from the Parent and Family Program. They always let you know what is going on. I usually printed them out and posted them on my refrigerator to remind myself of upcoming events or approaching deadlines. I would sometimes cut and paste information from the email and send it to my son just in case he wasn’t aware of a program coming up. Remember to read the blog—I loved the annual Thanksgiving prayer so much that I would send it to extended family members so that we would all be reading the same prayer at Thanksgiving.
Enjoy the experience through your student! The four years goes by way too quickly.
Use the network of Friar families. Everyone is super nice and supportive.
I always told my daughter her choice to attend a certain college is not final. If it doesn’t work out that’s OK, as sometimes it doesn’t. But to give it a fair chance, and it’s more likely that they will adapt and find their place. And in the best case grow to love their college and have the best experience. Providence has been that and more!! These last four years have flown by now and it’s been SO amazing.
I cannot express enough how your child and you are now a part of the Friar Family. It’s a very real thing.
Encourage your Friar to develop relationships with their professors outside of class time – make appointments during office hours. Have them ask their professors how they are doing in the class and how can they improve. Also, remind your student that many academic departments and the Student Success Center provide tutorial services if they are needed.
Encourage use of college services. Our daughter sort out help from Personal Counseling services on a regular basis during her first year. It gave her more confidence and helped her to deal with some of the anxiety she felt about meeting new people in her new surroundings.
Make sure you read the Home for the Holidays email from the Parent Program. When our daughter came home for the semester break, we found the information in that communication to be so helpful, especially about her need to decompress. It was right on!
Join clubs, intramurals, the gym. Take time for your mental health and go for a walk or run and take time for YOU! Enjoy every second because my daughter is graduating in two days and does not want it to end!

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Experienced Voices